Week 3 Results and Reflections

Last week's number: 331.0 pounds
This week's number: 324.6 pounds
Week-to-week loss: 6.4 pounds
Net loss: 26.0 pounds

Not quite as much as the last two weeks, but this has been a hard week.  All of us have been sick, and I haven't stuck with my exercise routine as a result.  Back on track tomorrow!

One thing that I was warned about with respect to this diet is depression.  I've been fighting with it this past week, and it's been reflected everywhere: at home, at work, etc.  It really has been eating at me and certain events today brought it to a head.

I've been told that writing will help clear my head, so here I am at the blog again.  I need to get my emotions out someplace...

...but this is emphatically not it.  There is enough self-absorbed emo crap on the Web that I don't need to be adding my pity party, or for that matter fueling it by doing so.  (Seriously, folks, clinical depression is not a fun thing.  I've been through it.  If you need help, don't play around--get it.)  Rather, in the spirit of Tony Robbins, I'm going to focus on some of the good things that have gone on for me this past week.  So, only somewhat in order, here are Ten Great Things About The Last Week:

10) The bills are paid!

Like a lot of people, we got hurt rather badly during the financial crisis a few years ago.  We made some poor decisions that bit us in the ass.  Starting in 2008, however, we started working toward getting our debts under control and we finally finished that process with our state tax return last week.  Aside from my student loan and the usual household expenses, we are debt free!

9) I've lost 6.4 pounds!

Yes, it's not as much as I would have liked, but 324.6 is the lowest my weight has been in at least five years. Stairs are no longer an issue for me, and I've been feeling the urge to run again (not that I'm going to try right now; I have a weak knee and I want to have quite a bit more weight off before I run any significant distance).

8) Clothes Make The Man

Those who know me know that I really don't like making a fuss over what I wear, or what other people wear.  As long as one is covered in stuff that is 1) clean, 2) well-fitting, and 3) unlikely to provoke unwanted attention by the police I'm okay with it.  However, I've come to the realization very late in life that other people do, in fact, make a big deal out of clothes and because they outnumber people like me approximately 999 to 1 they tend to call the shots.  Hence, I should also pay attention to what I wear.

The weight loss is reclaiming lost territory in my closet.  A pair of jeans I couldn't even come close to zipping up over the holidays is now baggy on me.  I now have several pairs of dress slacks that I can wear again, and a shirt Sandy got me for Father's Day that turned out to be the wrong size is close to fitting.  In another week I will not be able to get away without a belt under any circumstances.  In another two weeks, the sport coat I bought for our honeymoon will fit the way it did back then and be suitable for more formal occasions.  I'm pretty sure I can wear all my old uniforms again, but I haven't really tried yet.  I am looking forward to wearing better stuff to work: I'm neither wealthy enough nor pretentious enough to want Armani-level stuff.  Just some good suit separates, a few more dress shirts, maybe even a tie or two made later than 1994.

7) This Stuff:

Chinese Five Spice Powder makes the Optifast chicken soup so much better!  Thanks Sandy for finding it!  I've actually been delving into my ancient roots as a cook to punch up the soup I have on my diet.  Spices, fortunately, have no caloric content and do a lot to help a monotonous diet.  I was given a recipe book when I started the program and I've been experimenting.  Garlic in particular helps out a lot and has other health benefits as well.

6) Man Cave Is Closer To Reality!

I've sectioned off about half the garage to function as a working area and library, the other half to hold exercise equipment.  The project has languished since our move almost a year ago partly because of the insanely hot summer we had and partly because I just didn't have the energy to do anything about it due to my weight.  With the weight loss, I've been able to attack it with a vengeance.  I've emptied at least a dozen boxes; all books are properly shelved; and the workbench is almost cleared.  It is possible to walk the length of the working area without dodging stuff, and I have light and electricity where I need it.  Which was nice when I found Sandy's old Zima light and plugged it in.  This of course brought back very fond memories of my next topic...

5) Babylon Five

This is still, after the original Star Trek, my favorite TV show of all time, and I just completed my DVD collection of the core series!  This not only allowed me to dump several dozen VHS tapes, but ensured that I'll be able to enjoy the show long after our last functioning VCR (Vicker?) passes beyond the Veil.  I still need to get the TV movies, The Lost Tales, and Crusade, but that's just a matter of time.  As is all things. ;-)

The main plotline, to give the VERY simple thumbnail sketch, is about several races of mutually antagonistic aliens joining up with humanity to fight an ancient evil.  It has a lot of parallels to what I'm going through right now, the ancient evil in this case being not only my weight but a number of other bad habits.  And just as humanity has to deal with internal factions that could destroy it with good (or not-so-good) intentions, so I have to face my own inner struggles.  And I must continue to keep on watch even after the battle is won, lest the evil rise again...

I can't emphasize how much this show means to me.  In addition to being a damned fine TV show, a very large percentage of my friends I found as a direct or proximate result of B5 fandom.  It's a bit much to say any TV show makes a person who he or she is (and if that's the case, it's the sign of a very unbalanced personality) but this one had a big hand in it.

This is not to say, however, that my tastes have not evolved in the 15 years since the show ended its run.  I have managed to hook up with a newer group of fans of a franchise that still continues strong to this day.  To wit...

4) The Royal Manticoran Navy!

For those of you who aren't familiar with David Weber's Honor Harrington series, it is quite simply the best  military science fiction in print today.  It starts with a simple premise: what would C.S. Forester's Horatio Hornblower series (another favorite of mine) look like in space thousands of years from now, as opposed to the ocean 200 years ago.  From there one gets all kinds of political intrigue, enough weapons and tech porn to satisfy even the hardest Tom Clancy junkie (which I was at one point) and a whole raft of both heroes and villains who manage to get up off the page and make themselves alive.  The titular hero being an intelligent woman who takes no crap from anyone doesn't hurt in my eyes either--brings back my adolescent crush on Ripley in Aliens (hmmmmm...)

I found the fan group on Facebook a couple of years ago and joined out of curiosity, even though I hadn't read the books in quite a while (and have missed out on several new ones).  Since then I've run into a whole rogues' gallery of hardcore science fiction fans online that have renewed my interest in the series and who actually get 90% of my jokes. ;-)  I've started rereading the series again (when I'm not reading stuff that has  the word 'quality' in the title someplace) from the beginning.  Eventually I will take the tests and rank up, too.  Hell, eventually I'll meet some of these folks in person!

3) Friends generally

I have been impressed and quite frankly astonished by the outpouring of support I've received since starting this odyssey of mine three weeks ago.  I have gotten comments from people I only know as a string of ones and zeroes in a data feed that have been very encouraging, and that means a lot.  Whether you're in meatspace or cyberspace, if you're my friend, you're my friend.  I can't say any more than 'thank you.'

2) My Family

I absolutely cannot do anything I'm doing right now--work, school, this weight loss program--without the unwavering and constant support of my family generally and my wife and kids in particular.  They have been patient with me as I've fought the cravings, rode out the mood swings, struggled with being scatter-brained, and dealt with all the other side effects of a very-low calorie diet.  Sandy will be joining me in just a few weeks; if you're reading this, milady, you can count on my utmost support!  And no, Mom, we won't forget to feed the kids!  The odds of anyone in this house starving are about as good as those of Hitler and Stalin returning from the grave and signing on as WWE bad guys.  I love you, kids, for being patient with your Daddy.  And I love you, Sandy, for your usual forbearance with regard to my not fitting on the bell curve. Thanks again!

(and as a subpoint to this one, I've learned that my nephew and his wife are being transferred to within a day's drive of us. Shiny!)

1) My faith

Yes, I am being slightly irreverent here. After all, if Jesus were to play hockey He'd play center or wing, not defense.  No neutral zone trap for Him--"be ye hot or cold, lest I spit you from My mouth." Getting a rich man into Heaven may be like threading a camel through the eye of a needle, but you know He can slap shot that puck through Satan's five-hole with all power and authority! And just look at that epic playoff beard!  You know He's going to skate with the Cup at the end (the book even tells us He will, metaphorically).

The ability to laugh at oneself is a sign of mental stability, right?

If I could not do what I'm doing now without my family, I would never have gotten to this point without my faith.  I am by no means a perfect Christian, and I will admit that to anyone who cares to bring it up.  Let's take that off the table now.  What being a Christian means is to be keenly aware of your own shortcomings, and not afraid to admit them because God's grace covers you.  That's why I've been more open here than I usually am.

Grace, however, does not excuse us from actually doing something about our shortcomings.  "To him who knows what is right, and does not do it, this is sin."  The right thing is to mitigate or outright correct one's shortcomings, not hide behind them.  And I've been doing that for far too long.  Life is very short, and while I do not know what God's specific plan is for me (nobody can know that until it's all been spelled out) or how long I really have left to accomplish it, I accomplish it much better if I take care of myself in every dimension--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  And that's where I'm headed with this.  I want to leave behind good in the world, not neutral indifference because I was too lazy to get up off my ass and do something.

And with 26 pounds off my frame, it's a lot easier to get up off my ass.  My weight loss is due to exercise, a medically-monitored diet, and damned good health insurance.  God, however, brought all of these elements together and said, "It's up to you!"

And so it is.  On to the next week!

Week Two Results

Last week's number: 339.6 pounds
This week's number: 331.0 pounds (my lowest weight in two years)
Week-to-week loss: 8.6 pounds
Net loss: 19.6 pounds

I am very encouraged by these numbers!  This diet has not been easy, but I am committed to it.

I am starting to notice more differences.  My mind is becoming much more active--in the past there have been some days when I've felt like my thoughts were swimming in mud, with the occasional inability to actually stop them.  Now the sluggishness seems to be going away.

Physically I feel better as well.  Tonight I climbed the stairs to check in with the nurse, and my blood pressure stayed within normal limits afterward.  I feel like I have more energy (that is, when I'm not awakened at 4:00 AM by my son).  My clothes are fitting better, and I'm now able to wear a pair of dress shoes I hadn't been able to wear in at least two years.  My skin is even starting to feel different--not quite as stretched tight, and really itchy sometimes.

My goal here is to lose as much weight as I can without having to resort to surgery.  From there, I will be able to exercise safely (right now it's not very good for my heart or my joints to really push myself the way I'd like--but that's changing!)  That said, I am trying to get more exercise in my daily routine.

This past week has been challenging in that regard, particularly at home.  I am now taking care of Sandy and both kids as they recover from the bug-du-jour.  I really, really, really hope I don't get sick.  I am going to try and vary topics here a little bit, starting tomorrow night.  Stay tuned!

Getting Into The Groove

Now 9 days into the diet, I'm actually feeling pretty good!  The headaches have mostly stopped, and I'm even keeping the cravings under control (although seeing everyone's food porn online isn't helping matters!)  Even now I restrain myself from going after what little junk food we have left in the house.  I don't want to take any chances and blow it!

I've been trying to build exercise into my daily routine.  At the size I've gotten to, anything too strenuous is likely to hurt me right now, so I'm working up slowly.  I climb the stairs at work--all of them--three times a day now.  At first I was really winded and dizzy; now I'm just a little short of breath.  I did a walk around the block earlier this week and I want to do it again soon.  And this weekend I'll finally have the garage under control so I can use the treadmill and exercise bike.  Not to mention my own little workspace where I can grind out stuff like this blog. :-)

A word on junk food: not too long ago some comments were made to the effect of why we allow the stuff at all for our children.  I'll address that in a little detail here: we're human.  Both of our children are in perfect physical health and at the right developmental milestones for their respective ages.  They do get balanced meals with fruits and vegetables (both Alex and Morgan are fiends for fresh fruit!)  But that doesn't mean we don't let them have fun sometimes with candy or macaroni and cheese or other such stuff.  We look out for their well-being probably more than we do our own (that's been part of the problem for Sandy and me).  Sandy in particular is putting a lot of effort into making sure both kids are happy and healthy and she does not need to be lectured on what she should or should not be doing.  Not all families are capable of homeschooling, becoming localvores, sewing all of their own clothes, etc., etc. And I take particular exception to the so-called 'supermoms' who try to make her feel badly about it.  Maybe I do myself no favors inserting myself into female social posturing, but as a husband it is my duty and honor to protect my wife.  And I'd stand up to Satan himself if that's what it took!

Okay, enough of that.  I am dreaming of the day when I can have real food again...but not too much.  I don't want to get back to where I am now.  I want to get to a place I've never been before!

Week One Results

"Today is your victory over yourself of yesterday.  Tomorrow is your victory over lesser men." --Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

Last week's number: 350.6 pounds
This week's number: 339.6 pounds
Week-to-week loss: 11 pounds
Net loss: 11 pounds

I'm not proud of these numbers.  But that was the old me.  I am winning the victory over myself of yesterday.  Tomorrow I will win the victory over myself of today.

I am very, very encouraged by these numbers, but also a little cautious.  As much as 70% of this figure could be water weight.  However, I have been keeping myself hydrated above and beyond what the program calls for.  I've also been exercising more: I did my walk around the block the other night, and I've been climbing stairs just for the exercise.  I have a weekly goal of climbing all three staircases at work three times during the day--that's eighteen flights of stairs, up and down, every day.  And this week I'm making it a point to clear the garage so I can set up my exercise equipment.  I don't want rain or cold weather to stop me from getting in a workout.

I haven't talked a lot about this on this blog, but I'm also working on another challenge: after a 15-year absence, I have returned to graduate school starting last September.  The units I had before are no longer good, so I have to restart my degree program from scratch.  Back then, I weighed at least 80 pounds less, I was single, and had fairly low-level job responsibilities, so pouring all of myself into my classes was easier.  Now I'm older, married with two kids, and have much greater responsibilities at work.  It's already hard enough.  I'm hoping this diet doesn't interfere with my classes, because I really do want to finish my MS by next year!  I'm told it won't, but I've had such poor luck with both losing weight and finishing graduate school that combining the two doesn't seem like the best prospect.  But then again, maybe the challenges will cancel each other out. ;-)

My degree will be in quality assurance--appropriately enough, since that's also my job.  A lot of the principles of the quality profession also apply to weight loss.  Kaizen, the notion of making gradual but continuous improvements as the most surefire way to permanent change applies for most people, just as it does for most organizations.  Unfortunately in my case I don't have the luxury of making gradual changes.  My weight is dangerously high, and I put myself and my family at risk by not taking drastic action.  I am at severe danger for a heart attack, stroke, or even a catastrophic injury to my back, knees, or hips.  So I'm reengineering my life.  I'm paying attention to what I eat, how I behave during the day, and what I'm thinking.   I find myself getting so absorbed in tasks that I forget to get up and move--a dangerous thing now that I'm in an office job.  I now make it a point to get up and move, just to clear my head and get the blood moving.

More to the point, I have trouble maintaining focus sometimes.  I get easily distracted, which makes it very hard to concentrate on complex assignments.  I would love to put on earphones and tune out the world so I can work, but I also don't want to be hung with an antisocial label (I struggle with that one as it is).  I'll talk about that particular battle more in a later post.

This isn't the end.  It's the beginning.  One week down, 15 to go!

Well, today was a rough one!

Day 5 and I'm really starting to feel it now.  Maybe it's because today was the most physically active day I've had since I started this diet.  I moved the Christmas decorations back to our storage locker (which involved lots of loading and unloading as well as climbing stairs) and helped Sandy clean out the garage afterward.  That put me close to 8000 steps today!  I need to break 10000 to be guaranteed real weight loss, so I'll still continue to push.

Still, smells, sights, and even comments about food are becoming more and more tempting.  I just about lost it when Alex had a piece of chocolate after dinner tonight!  At least three times I was sorely tempted to break the diet, but I'm not going to.  Other than the Communion cracker I had this morning at church I've consumed nothing not on the plan since early Wednesday morning.  I've gotten more temperamental, which I regret.

Unfortunately my thoughts are getting a little fuzzier, so the epic discourse I had planned for tonight will have to wait until later.  But I will say this: the sacrifice will be worth it!  I can't wait until Tuesday to see how much I've lost so far!

Finding My Way Back

During the day I didn't move around as much as I should have in order to make this diet work.  So, I made up for it tonight.  After the kids were in bed, I took Houston, our very hyperactive Basset hound (yes, there is such a thing!) for a walk.  I figure it was about two miles.  Houston is actually more tired than I am at the moment!

I remember when I used to be able to run six miles and not think twice about it.  Now I'm excited about walking two miles!  Things are going to change.

Tomorrow we clean out the garage.  In addition to getting my work area set up, I also want to get my weight bench set up, and the treadmill cleaned up and operating so I don't have to torture my dog when I want a workout (although he enjoyed the walk; we'll have to do it more often).  I have a lot of things in mind for when I do get into shape.  Here's a list of goals of mine:

1. Get involved with martial arts again.  I know at my age I don't have high odds of becoming the next Chuck Norris, but I liked the way I was able to handle myself when I was active.  Years ago, when I was a junior in college, I was confronted by some drunken frat boys in an isolated area.  I had studied wrestling, judo, and karate in two different schools (goju-ryu and shotokan) at that point.  There were five or six of them; one of them charged me and I took him down without a problem, then stood off the rest of them until they backed down.  That was my high water mark, and while I really don't anticipate another situation like that I would like to know that I could handle it if one did happen.  Maybe my kids will be interested as well and we can make it a family activity!
2. Improve my upper body strength.  It probably is sufficient for my needs but relative to my body mass it seems really, really weak.  Reducing my body mass will eliminate that impression but I have always wanted to be stronger.  It's not as critical a need as when I was still involved in field operations at work (and had to lift and carry 50 pounds repetitively on a regular basis, sometimes a LOT more) but it's never a bad thing.  Especially now that my son is becoming athletic (something I will definitely encourage him to keep up!)  I can't expect him to do chin-ups or push-ups if I can't do them myself.
3. Participate with my son in sporting events, helping to coach him and guide him.  His baseball team needs volunteers but I just don't feel comfortable doing that right now.  A coach should be a role model as well as a leader and teacher...and a fat slob like me ain't that.  Again, the window for me to go to the Olympics has probably come and gone a couple of decades ago, but that's okay: I just want to be able to ride herd on some Little Leaguers.
4. Ride my bike...as in really ride it.  Again in my early twenties I used to ride my 10-speed to and from weight training, getting my cardio in while saving gas and parking fees.  But that was only about 20 miles round trip.  I'd like to do better than that.  Specifically, my church has a cycling club that I'd like to get involved in; they race competitively and if I'm going to wear bike shorts I bloody well want to look like someone who should be allowed outside in them!
5. Going beyond that, I want to do the Spartan Race at some point...I want to do the whole cycle, in fact.  I read about a man who lost 400 pounds and completed all the races in one year!  I have to lose considerably less than that, so I'm at least ahead of him. ;-)
6. And if I can do all of that, I should be able to wear anything I want.  I'm picturing a medium-gray suit with matching tie, or a replica WWII bomber jacket like I wore when I was younger (I still have the same jacket around, but my shoulders have broadened so even if I lost the weight I couldn't even get that one on).  For casual wear, a good pair of Western boots, once a staple of my wardrobe.
7. As far as wearing things goes, I want to do science fiction costuming on a serious basis.  I don't want to look like some fanboy who knocked something together in his mother's basement; if I do this I want to look good.  Right now the only character I have the right to cosplay is Jabba the Hutt. I have three or four ideas in mind.  And the quality of the body wearing the garb is as important as the workmanship.  We've all seen the stereotype on TV; I don't need to beat that one further into the ground.

These are my goals.  Some are practical, some are far-reaching, a couple are silly.  But they're mine.  I'm taking this diet as an opportunity to explore myself more thoroughly.  A lot of damage has been done and I don't just want to get back what I lost, I want to exceed it!

The Battle Continues - Day 3

I'm not really feeling hungry per se just yet, but I am noticing food a lot more than before.  Sticking to the program is making me rethink why I eat as well as what, which I suppose is the goal.

I eat out of boredom.  I eat because I enjoy the stimulus of new flavors and textures.  I eat to stem fatigue, and alleviate stress.  This is quite different than fueling the body.  So I'm consciously stopping myself now.

I tell myself that I've had many great meals over the years, and now I'm finally going to put them to use!  It won't be such a long time before I can eat normally again--normally, that is, for the rest of the industrialized world as opposed to what I'm used to doing.

In the meantime, I think of why I'm doing this.  Here's what I've come up with so far:

1. The excess weight I'm carrying takes at least 10 years off my life.  I'm 44 now; according to the Centers for Disease Control's 2008 figures, that means I've got (on average) about 34.6 years left.  Take those 10 years off, and I won't even be as old as my parents are now when I die.  Lose the weight, and I get at least that much back (and maybe more: my grandmother on my mother's side lived well into her 90's and my great-grandmother on my father's side was probably over 100).
2. Related to the first: I want to live to see my children grow up into happy productive adults, and to see my grandchildren.  Just because I started late with my family doesn't mean I can't stay around to see how it all works out. :-)
3. I will be a more effective husband and father, and a better colleague to my coworkers.  The excess weight makes me sluggish physically and mentally, and that does nobody any good.
4. I want to take my wife out dancing, and be able to last the whole night!
5. I am finally starting to achieve all of the things I wanted for my life: I've started working on my advanced degrees; I'm in a favorable position in my career; and while things aren't perfect financially I'm doing better than I have in a long time.  It would be a shame to cut any of that short.
6. I want to be able to buy clothes off the rack, at non-specialty stores, and not have to pay extra for larger sizes.
7. Up until three years ago I had to wear a uniform at work.  I don't have to do that anymore, but I still keep a couple on hand just in case.  The other day I tried one on and it didn't quite fit.  I'm ashamed of this, considering how hard I worked to earn the right to wear it in the first place.  If and when I ever have to wear the uniform again, I want it to look good!
8. I want to fly on an airplane without having to get a seat belt extender.
9. I want my back and my feet to stop hurting.
10. Not to be too graphic about it, but it's hard to get and stay clean with this excess weight.  I pay a great deal of attention to this, so I won't offend other people, but it would be nice to make it easier.
11. I want to look good in photographs, and not be worried that I look like Buddha (from the front, sitting down) or Alfred Hitchcock (from the side).  Inevitably, especially during the holidays, at least five shots in each position will be taken of me.
12. I want to ride my bicycle again.
13. I want to run again.
14. I want to cosplay without fulfilling too many unfortunate fan stereotypes.  I'm one basement away from being the overweight, socially awkward engineer who wears glasses, dresses badly and is obsessed with science fiction. :-P
15. I want to change people's perceptions of me generally.  I know who my friends are, but I know that others probably judge me on my size and dismiss me out of hand (hell--I've seen it happen!)
16. I want to be able to sit in a plastic lawn chair without worrying about whether it will hold me.
17. I want to be able to sit behind a typical classroom desk again.
18. I want to drive a car without the steering wheel rubbing up against me.
19. I want to enjoy the bathtub without having to worry about displacement issues.
20. I want to sit in a restaurant booth and not worry about whether I'll fit.

These are just a few things I tell myself as motivators.  I'll put together another list soon of goals I would like to meet.

Today is a good day to diet!

Forward, sons of the Greeks,
Liberate the fatherland,
Liberate your children, your women,
The altars of the gods of your fathers
And the graves of your forebearers:
Now is the fight for everything.

—Aeschylus, Persians

And now the fight for everything begins...

I had my first weight loss class tonight.  I am utterly disgusted by how much I weighed and I want to get this done!  My diet food is packed for tomorrow, along with the pedometer I got when I joined the program.  Time to get cracking!

I also started Round 2 of my Masters degree tonight.  The next few months are going to be some of the most intense months of my life.  I'm looking forward to it.  Expect lots of posts about that here too.

It occurs to me that my lack of progress in both my weight loss and my education may be linked.  Never have I had something motivating me to make the change to my life--or, more appropriately, I've had a lot of demotivators that I've allowed to take control.  Note that I don't blame the outside for what happened.  I pulled the trigger; I made the decision; and I have no one else to blame for the outcome other than myself.

This is not to lay a negative trip on myself: I'm done with that.  It's recognizing that I need to filter what I influences I allow in my life.  There are individuals and organizations who have claimed to be doing me good but are really no more useful than Job's comforters.  They may be well-meaning, but ultimately their influence was destructive and I should have stopped it a long time ago.

And I've been doing that: I replaced partners who were emotional drains with a wife who stands behind me and supports me.  I replaced a church that emphasized obedience and conformity with one that emphasized faith and compassion expressed as works. Now I replace habits of self-indulgence with habits of self-improvement.

Tomorrow I start the diet in earnest, along with exercise.  I also want to make better use of my time, something that's been a huge issue with me since the beginning.  More on that later.

So here's to the future, and all that it holds.  I want to see my grandchildren someday.  I want to be around when my children are grown.  I don't want my health to deteriorate to the point that I can no longer care for my family or pursue my other personal goals.  I want to live long enough to check off as much on my list as possible.  I want to do some outrageous things, some fun things, and some bold things.  And I can't do that with a whole other person weighing me down.

So, in that spirit, let the battle begin! Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!

Now that the Mayan Apocalypse is behind us...

I'm taking a cue from the Mayans and celebrating this new calendar cycle as an opportunity to completely reinvent myself and my life.  I haven't been the person I've wanted to be, and now is as good a time as any to make some changes.  Through this blog I'd like to invite all of you to watch the show!

There are a lot of things I'd like to make different about my life.  First of all is my weight.  I am far more overweight than I'm comfortable with.  When I was younger I was able to do much, much more...but, not to put too fine a point on it, I got lazy.  I enjoyed food more than I enjoyed life.  Now I'm paying the price.  I have a lot of reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing now, and I'll probably list those in a future post.  But starting today I am beginning a weight loss journey that will last me most of the next six months as I go on a very restricted medically-supervised diet.

Second, my attitude toward life.  It's been misguided for quite a while now, informed by a misguided form of fundamentalism that borrows as much from Kurt Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron as it does from the Bible.  "Let no man think more highly of himself than he ought to..." somehow got transformed to "Don't give yourself any credit whatsoever because it will go to your head.  I rejected that line of thinking some time ago, but exactly what I'm replacing it with is a matter I've never fully defined, until now.

Third, my goals and aspirations.  I've always had them, and now I'm closer than I've ever been before to realizing one set of them.  Actually, the replacement of the replacement, but sometimes you take what you can get.  At the same time I'm starting the diet I'm also entering my second semester of graduate school.  This may seem like a lot to take on, but I don't quite feel alive unless I'm being challenged.

With the help of my family and my good friends, I hope to bring this all into reality.  Join me as the journey begins!