A Time To Rise

It was the year of fire... the year of destruction... the year we took back what was ours. It was the year of rebirth... the year of great sadness... the year of pain... and the year of joy. It was a new age. It was the end of history. It was the year everything changed. The year is 2015. The place: my life!!!

Give up???  HELL NO!!!!

My father never, ever tolerated giving up. Even as he was dying he fought to the very end, like the warrior he was all his life. I never got a chance to be that kind of warrior, but I can be one nonetheless.

I feel as though I have absorbed some of his toughness. The day before my father died, a rather clueless coworker who shall remain nameless demanded I send some files to her. Mind you, these weren't particularly mission-critical; they could have waited (especially since it was a weekend!) This coworker brushed off that I had mentioned that my father was dying and I had other things on my mind than meeting minutes. So, I sent the minutes. Not because this individual wanted them, but because I knew that's what my father would have done: completed the mission. I did it for him!

Last year wasn't all tragedy and disappointment. I got to see my son advance in Scouting and my daughter start preschool. Sandy and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary (although our renewal of vows didn't take place as planned for obvious reasons). And I made significantly more progress towards my Masters degree. All I have to do is finish my thesis and it's done!

But the big newsmaker started last September. I made the commitment to have bariatric surgery. 12 weeks of orientation and dieting to get down to the optimal weight for surgery ensued. It has not been easy, but on February 11th everything changed. (warning: semi-graphic picture)

I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy and I have so far lost 65 pounds since last September and 25 pounds since surgery. I go to the gym or work out on my own every day now. In another week I'll start lifting weights again. And by next year I will run the Spartan race!

I am also aiming to have my thesis finally finished this summer, so I can move on to the next phase: getting my doctorate. It will be a tough, long haul, but I will finish the race that I have started, just as I promised my father. I would like to get my Ph.D in Computational and Data Sciences from Chapman University, which is local to me and will accommodate the schedule of a busy professional with two little kids at home. I've spoken to them and my odds are pretty good there, but if that doesn't work I have other options as well.


My assertiveness is paying off as well. Thanks to a longstanding need and to a coming management realignment I will be returning to my old posting in Import Operations, but this time as their quality manager. In naval terms I have moved on from being XO of an aircraft carrier to the captain of an Aegis-class cruiser. There are challenges to be met there, which I am looking forward to greatly! I miss my old comrades and want to do all I can to help them out!

There's still a lot to be done. There are still bills to be paid, a lot of weight yet to lose before I reach my goal, and little people who are growing up way too fast. And Sandy needs my support more than ever before. But now I feel much more empowered to meet all those challenges. Despite all that's happened, things are looking up, and I will rise from the flames!

A Year of Hell

Forgive me father, for I have sinned...it has been 561 days since my last confession...

The past year has been very, very bad. It started with a car accident about a year ago. Fortunately Alex and I were okay, but my vehicle was totalled. I was not looking forward to another car payment, and my streak of nearly 14 years without a car accident was erased. Thankfully the accident was not my fault!

Not too long after that, my mother-in-law was hospitalized. At first we thought she just had a bad cold, but it developed into something far, far worse. She went into the hospital in March, and never left. We lost her just before Christmas. In the meantime, the hospital stay, and trying to settle her affairs at her old home while we attempted to find a new one for her dominated our year--to the exclusion of other things that I now very much regret.

Still, I may have been able to handle that loss (and more importantly help Sandy through it better) had I not had a loss of my own:

Just before Thanksgiving, I lost my father very suddenly to a very severe case of pneumonia. He went from being in tremendously good health for a 74-year-old man to beyond the Rim in a matter of a week. He was my example in all things in life, and I miss him tremendously. It hurts me even to write this, but it must be written.

With my father gone, my mother was left alone. While I would have gladly sacrificed everything to help her, I was reminded by the rest of the family that I still have two very young children to take into consideration. My mother moved shortly after Christmas to live with my brother and his wife in Iowa; their kids are all grown and can provide additional help if needed. I understand the rationale, and we still speak very frequently, but the loss still is there. Christmas 2014 was the last Christmas I will ever celebrate in the home I grew up in. My mother had no choice but to sell.

And all through this there was still life to be lived. There was baseball and Cub Scouts and homework (both mine and the kids!) to take care of, along with the usual pressures of work. The stress took its toll on me unfortunately, and all the progress I had made in the past year towards weight loss was wiped out and then some.

But did I give up? Hell NO!!!! My next post will describe what's happening now.

In the meantime, I am very, very thankful that even as bad as last year was we did have a family reunion last May. Almost all of Clan Condrey was able to attend and as far as I am concerned it was the highlight of the year!

So, folks, that's why I've been so quiet on here in the past year or so. But I need to write, and this is the best place to do it. More coming soon!