Intermission: Musical Mix and Match

This is a little game I invented while I was stuck on the freeway back in 2006 (in other words, pretty much all of 2006). How it works: use the names of bands active between 1950 and the present day, and match them up in interesting ways. Just one commute gave me the following. Mind you, almost all of these performers have charted at least once, and have at least three album releases:

One From Column A	One From Column B
RATT	Poison
Assassin	Dead Kennedys
Genesis	Revelation
DEVO	Evolution
Billy Idol	Stone Temple Pilots
Meat Loaf	Wavy Gravy
The B-52's	Napalm Death
Queen	Prince
Paul Revere and the Raiders	Boston
KISS	The Flaming Lips
REM	Dream Academy
Pink Floyd	The Moody Blues
The Black Eyed Peas	Korn
The Originals	The Replacements
Styx	The Rolling Stones
Adam and the Ants	Black Flag
B5	Night Ranger
MC Hammer	Nine Inch Nails
Revolver	The Automatic
Simple Minds	No Doubt
The Vandals	The Village People
The Beach Boys	The Commodores
Orbital	The Georgia Satellites
Deep Purple	The Indigo Girls
Natalie Merchant	The Communards
Hiroshima	Megadeth
The Police	Firehouse
Eagles	Wings
Dire Straits	Millionaires
Three Dog Night	Cat Stevens
Jefferson Airplane	Grand Funk Railroad
The Cars	Traffic
The Monkees	Bananarama
The Beatles	Eddie Rabbit
The Dwarves	They Might Be Giants

Just one of the things my mind does when it gets bored...

Coming Up For Air

It has been a wild, wild, wild two weeks!

The amount of stress and the situations that have cropped up in the past two weeks has just been utterly insane.  It started the evening of the 14th, when my car (a two-door coupe) started doing a credible impersonation of a Soviet T-72 main battle tank. The following morning, I took it to a mechanic to learn that the timing chain had jumped due to a bolt that had sheared off flush to the engine block. The Ides of March: a bad day to be a Roman dictator, a 2003 Pontiac, or my bank account.

Four days and several hundred dollars later, the car was fixed. Unfortunately it was not fixed in time for me to go to my weigh-in that week, so I have no idea where I stand (although I have been keeping up with my walking and have had a couple of good walks in the 1.5 to 2-mile range). In the midst of this I had the second midterm for my Project Management class, a class that is proving to be the Ivan Drago to my Rocky Balboa: I may win but there's a good chance that my brain will be damaged as a result. I rushed to get as much homework done as possible before the trip Sandy and I had planned last weekend: a semiannual bowling tournament in Las Vegas.  We'd really been looking forward to this trip as a chance to get away from the routine for a while and reconnect.

Unfortunately my mother-in-law ended up in a very bad car accident on the way up here to watch the kids. Her car was completely totaled, although she made it out with only a black eye, a twisted ankle, and some rattled nerves. Sandy went on to Vegas without me so at least she could get away while someone kept a watch on her mother to make sure she was okay.

Stress? Did someone say stress?

I'm a bit worried because I have noticed that I eat in response to stress and while I haven't eaten a lot, I have been less than faithful to my diet. I am trying to get back on track, though, for the weigh-in next week. But in the meantime I have been reminded that there are more important things to worry about. Much more important things.

I've come to view events such as this as God's way of shaking us out of our self-absorption. We get bound up in our own activities and our own lives and sometimes don't think of the people around us who may be hurting. Sometimes it has to be brought close to home. I am thankful that we're in a position to help my mother-in-law to a certain extent. I remember a time not so long ago when we wouldn't have been anywhere near such a position, and count my blessings every morning that those days are farther behind us with every sunrise.

So no, I haven't weighed in. And no, I haven't been as faithful on my diet as I should have been (although I've hardly gorged the way I did in the old days, either). But tomorrow is another day.

Attention Science Geeks!

Habemus Papam! Pope Francis I is one of us!!!! According to his official biography, the new Pope holds a Masters degree in chemistry.  He's probably the first trained scientist in the modern sense of the word to become Pope.

And this isn't some bogus 'intelligent design' or 'creation science' degree earned in a basement Bible college, either.  His MS was awarded by the University of Buenos Aires, which is basically the MIT of Latin America and one of the top-ranked universities in the world.  Yes, the Pope is a science nerd with real cred!

This gives me hope for the future with regard to the religion-science debate.  For the first time in modern history a major religious leader has a strong science background, although the Catholic Church learned its lesson from Galileo long ago.  Despite what is usually taught to high school seniors and undergraduates, Galileo's major works had all been removed from the Holy Index by 1800--the first time an experiment could be conducted that conclusively proved the movement of the Earth. Galileo himself would have been rehabilitated much earlier were it not for intervening political events that preoccupied previous Popes. Pius XII was close to doing so but didn't want to risk a church split with World War II at hand.  Today Galileo's statue stands in the Vatican as a reminder of a painful lesson learned.

Of course, the Jesuits (to which Francis belonged before becoming Pope) have always been big on science and are at least partly responsible for the strong academic foundation that Catholic educational institutions have become legendary for.  It was the Jesuit order, in fact, that verified Galileo's claims.  Galileo's persecution had more to do with karma coming home to roost (Galileo was very good at making enemies!)  than with his specific assertions.  It's because of the Jesuit influence that the Catholic Church didn't repeat the mistake it made before with regard to evolution (which for the most part is taught without controversy in Catholic institutions).

I'm not Catholic, so I really don't have a dog in this fight, but Pope Francis is fairly conservative on a lot of issues (homosexuality, birth control) so he's not going to be all things to all people.  But his scientific background, combined with his established track record in addressing the needs of the poor I think bodes well for the future. Added (read: much needed) bonus:  he's come out in the past very strongly against child abuse and no doubt will kick some priestly ass with regard to the sexual abuse scandals that have come out in recent years.  Personally, I think he should restart the Inquisition in full Torquemada mode for that one.

Week 9: Setback? What Setback???

Last week's number: 306.1 pounds
This week's number: 307.4 pounds
Week-to-week loss: -1.3 pounds
Net loss: 42.2 pounds

Yes, I went backward.  I didn't have such a disciplined week as far as eating goes.  That's changed, posthaste.

On the other hand, I have had a great week with exercise, running three times last week and getting my distance up to 1.6 miles.  Granted, we're not talking about a Chariots of Fire performance here (although I probably look like one of the slow-motion training shots on the beach as I'm running out there) but it's far, far better than I could do even six months ago.  Tonight I started on the exercise bike but only made it 15 minutes before I was reminded that different muscle groups are indeed required for different forms of exercise.  From now on I'm going to change it up and try to exercise every day.

I'm told that some of the gain may in fact be water retention due to inflammation because I'm using my muscles more.  That's undoubtedly true.  What's also undoubtedly true is that I fell to temptation more often than I'm comfortable with.  Tonight I drew a line in the sand.  And I have another goal in mind, too.

A friend of mine informed me of a 5K run in San Diego this October, and I'm going to sign up.  I'm already running about half that distance now so by October I should certainly be able to handle 5K and then some.  Besides, the participation medal is shaped like Darth Vader--what SF fan couldn't resist that???

I've also fulfilled one of my previous goals--that of mapping out a weekly schedule which I intend to implement next week (so I can start fresh on Sunday; besides, this week is halfway shot).  It's not terribly prescriptive; it basically outlines what activities I'll pursue on what days.  I have deliberately blocked in time for the family--not that it will be the only time, but that some time will be reserved for Sandy and the kids because I admit I do get too preoccupied with other things and need a way to keep on track.  I intend to put something similar together at work as well so I can make your tax dollars go as far as possible (and get my next performance review to look even better ;-) )

I've referenced the Rocky movies in this blog specifically and during this diet/exercise regimen generally more than a few times.  The first three movies are probably my favorite mundane (i.e., non-science fiction or fantasy) movies. In addition to being a brilliant character study, a classic Jungian Hero's Journey, and probably the most motivating story ever put on film, the struggle is very, very real. Sylvester Stallone is on record as saying the entire series from start to finish is in many ways autobiographical--swap boxing for acting and Stallone's entire career progression can be seen.  Starting from the beginning:

Rocky - the Old Shame first job (Rocky collecting for a loan shark/Stallone taking a porno role because he'd just been evicted and needed money)  and the unlikely first triumph (Rocky taking Apollo the distance/Stallone getting the first Rocky movie produced on a shoestring budget and winning the 1976 Best Picture Oscar)
Rocky II - proving that success wasn't a flash in the pan (Rocky's rematch with Apollo/Stallone producing a successful sequel).
Rocky III - both Stallone and his most famous character fight to the top of their respective professions and survive major challenges
Rocky IV - his toughest challenge yet, against a steroid-fueled, almost robotic muscle-bound foreigner who's literally broken all previous competition (reflecting Stallone's on-screen rivalry with Arnold Schwarzenegger; in reality the two men are good friends and business partners)
Rocky V - bad decisions and changes in the industry leave both Rocky and Stallone down on their luck (albeit not entirely back to square one)
Rocky Balboa - a bittersweet comeback later in life that wins over audiences

In other words, we see the evolution of a human being during his lifetime, with the on-screen boxing both a literal conflict and a metaphor for life's struggle.  The whole series, beginning to end, is a classic (although most people, including Stallone, would like to forget Rocky V).

But then again, we all have our own Rocky V, don't we?  This past week was mine.  But that's over with.  One of my objectives with this blog was, like Stallone with the Rocky movies, to explore my own life and document both the good and the bad, so that one of these days someone might get something out of it.

Gonna fly now!

Chess: A Tale of Two Brothers

I grew up with two brothers, Robert and John, who were both several years older than me.  John, unfortunately, did not live to adulthood; he was killed in a traffic accident when I was nine years old.  Robert is doing just fine and is enjoying his kids and grandkids spread out throughout the Midwest; we talk from time to time.

Chess was a major preoccupation for all three of us growing up. Robert was easily the strongest player in the family.  John wasn't quite as strong but he was certainly much better than I was.  The two of them took turns playing me when they weren't playing each other.

Robert was a power player--he'd see a mistake and let you try to figure out what you did wrong with subtle hints that I never picked up on.  Consequently our chess battles looked like the opening phases of the First Gulf War with me as Iraq.  John was a softie; he knew he was better than me at the game, but would throw the game almost all the time to let me win.  The chess set (not the board) above was made by my mother for him; sadly he didn't live to actually use them in a game.  Usually there would be stakes involved in John's games too: the Japanese lacquer bowl you see in the center of the board would be filled with pennies that John would 'bet' on the outcome of the game.  I got a lot of pennies out of that bowl and both the set and the bowl are among my most prized possessions today.

I grew up then with a love/hate affair for the game: I love it because of the intellectual challenge and the deep emotional meaning it has for me.  I hate it because in my adult playing life I've managed to beat exactly one opponent making a record of 1-12 against her.  As I said in my last post, I have a very strong competitive bent.  Where chess is involved, the emotional meaning of the game for me makes that even worse.

I think about this as I contemplate teaching Alex the game I loved so much as a child.  He is not a patient little boy.  I've seen him get upset during a game of Chutes and Ladders over not hitting a particular spot he'd picked on the board, even though he ended up winning the game! My record against Alex in Chutes and Ladders is currently 0-20; he's a lucky little bastard with the dice!  He'll be a holy terror in RPGs when he gets older!

On the one hand, I want to ease him into the game gently, the way John did.  Playing John was always fun, and not just because I got to clean out his spare change!  Somehow he knew how to pull his punches the way he never did in a street fight (which he seemed to go out of his way to get into).

On the other hand, I see what Robert was trying to accomplish as well: he wanted to give me a real challenge and learn how to read the board myself.  Later when I got my first computer he supplied me with the strongest chess program available at the time, and I spent many, many hours subjecting myself to its not-so-tender mercies. Unfortunately me being the way I am, I didn't see that and interpreted it as yet another round of big brother teasing.  This interpretation persisted for a long time!

I've always feared being in the shadow of both of my brothers and I've spent most of my life trying to get out from under the perception that I wasn't quite as good as Robert intellectually or John physically--almost as though I was the average between the two.  In a lot of ways that's still true today although I see where it put up a major barrier between Robert and me for many years.  Thankfully things have improved considerably, especially since I got married.

Since I've started my little self-improvement journey this year I've looked back on it all and see that Robert was trying to teach me something bigger than chess: by not holding back, he was treating me with respect despite his being eight and a half years older than I am.  He was saying, I know what you're capable of, and I'm not going to let you get away with anything less than your best effort.  He wanted me to push the envelope, just like I was talking about in my last post. To an eight-year-old, that seems brutal.  As a 44-year-old, I see the wisdom perfectly.

And yet I see the wisdom of John's approach as well.  He kept the game fun and kept me from being discouraged.  A lot of the reason I stuck with the game was the memory of playing with him (some of the last really clear memories I have of him, actually).  In the end, each was playing to his strengths.  I somehow need to learn to average them out and find my own.

Maybe I should challenge Alex.  But not too hard.  I still need to learn how to play the game better myself!

Chess anyone?

Pushing The Envelope

Today I challenged myself.  I decided to break out of my shell publicly the way I've been doing here online.

I've been a member of Toastmasters International for about a year now.  Toastmasters is very famous for helping people polish their public speaking skills, but there's also a leadership component involved: members of a given local club rotate through club officer positions and learn how to actually manage the organization.  This actually has been my main focus until recently.

I am a very competitive person but have lacked any productive arena in which I can exercise that drive.  I haven't been nearly fit enough for sports (although that is changing!) and I haven't had the time to put into strategy games that I'd like.  The work environment could be competitive, but the focus for the past several years has been on teamwork (in fact, part of my job is to foster teamwork!)   There is a huge part of me that would like to win all those shiny trophies I never got as a kid.

Hither Toastmasters.  There is a series of local, national, and international speaking competitions that takes place every year.  Having some time free in my schedule, I decided to jump in this year.

I didn't win.  I didn't even place.

Not very long ago that would have been an extremely upsetting situation for me.  It's irrational, but there it is. There is a part of me that wants to be the very best at whatever I do, and that is terrified of the mockery that will ensue should I fall short.  I'm not proud of it.  And I was upset after this loss, to be sure.

For about ten minutes!

There is, in quality assurance, a notion known as the Deming/Shewhart Cycle (it's better known as the Deming Cycle, but Deming himself gave credit to Shewhart so I'll use both names).  It works like this:

First you Plan what you're going to do: what do you hope to accomplish?  How long will it take, and what will it require?

Then you Do what you planned.  This is a very important step many people forget!

After you've done what you've planned, you Study the results.  Did you accomplish everything you set out to do?  What was the outcome? What could have been better?

After you've studied the results, you Act upon what you learned, and apply it to the next Plan.  The cycle is continuous because you should never stop learning!

Before, my assessment of any perceived defeat would have ended with 'D'.  Now, using another Deming concept, the System of Profound Knowledge, I'm able to interrupt the self-pity and apply Profound Knowledge (a combination of knowledge of a system, knowledge of variation, and psychology) to see where I can do better.  Thus, I formulate a better plan for next time.  For people like me prone to a nasty dysthemic cycle, this is a life-saver.

(And if I sound here like I'm shilling for W. Edwards Deming, it's because in a way I am.  He was one of the brighter minds of the 20th century. Deming is, next to Jesus Christ and Socrates, the biggest influence on my personal and professional philosophy. Find videos from his conferences on YouTube, visit the Deming Institute online, or read his books Out Of The Crisis and The New Economics.  You'll be glad you did!)

Okay, enough hero worship.  I'm working on becoming my own hero here!

Every time I feel like I've fallen short since this year began, whether it be on my diet or anything else, I've been running the cycle. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But it's far better than what I used to do: wallow in self-pity and bemoan my fate while doing absolutely nothing to avert it.


'Pushing the envelope' is a phrase used by test pilots that dates back to the 1940's at least.  It's taking an aircraft or spacecraft and putting it through its paces--literally flying the vehicle until it's at the point of falling apart (and sometimes beyond).  The purpose is to learn exactly what that vehicle's weaknesses are, and what it can handle.  It is the Deming/Shewhart Cycle in action.  The past three months I've been doing that with my entire life, and I don't regret it.

Physically I'm exercising more than I have in the past decade, and I'm enjoying it!  Tonight I did another run around the neighborhood.  I only meant to go a little farther than last night; I'd planned for 1.35 miles.  On the way home I felt good and added a little extra and managed 1.53 miles!  That's half the first Spartan Race (albeit without the mud pit, the fire, etc.) and considerably more than I could have done just a few months ago.  I wasn't winded very much when I was done, either, and I think I actually ran a little faster this time.  Maybe by this time next week I'll be able to run the 2.1 miles I was so proud of walking when I first started this odyssey!

Mentally I've got my graduate coursework.  I'm currently taking two courses: reliability engineering, and project management.  Of the two, the project management course is actually the more difficult which surprised me.  I have my schedule mapped out through mid-2014 when I hope to will have my thesis completed, and I already have a few ideas on that one, too.  I'm wanting to play more strategy games with my spare time (such as it is) and my lifelong interest in chess has reawakened with a vengeance.  That'll be my next entry.

Spiritually I'm more engaged with my church and with personal devotion.  There is a small Bible study at work that meets once a week during lunch; I've known everyone in the group for years but have never developed a deep connection with them until now.  Given the environment we're in (stressful even in the best of times, and with the government sequester affecting operations even more so now) it's desperately needed.

(And before anyone launches a tirade about a religious activity taking place on government property I will note that it is 1) completely voluntary with no proselytizing of any form taking place; 2) on our lunch break, and specifically timed not to go beyond that so we don't use taxpayer time; and 3) not discriminatory in any way.  If my Jewish, Moslem, Hindu, or Buddhist brothers and sisters in service, and I have a few of each at least, wanted to start their own groups not only would I cheer them on I'd have some very strong words for anyone trying to stop them.  Otherwise the flag outside the building has no meaning for the people working on its behalf inside it.)

Emotionally things are tougher.  I try to be the best husband and father I can be but I know there are places I could do better--again the cycle.  I don't have a lot of offline friends and not really that much time to make more.  This is an area I hope to shore up more in my life.  Church, Toastmasters, the RMN, and some old friends I have still in the area all offer promising opportunities. But my family will always come first.  The Toastmasters competition, for example, only happened because Alex didn't have a baseball game today--otherwise I would have held off.  I will be there for my children, no matter the cost, if my decision alone has anything to do with it.

I'm pushing the envelope, my friends, and like that F/A-18 in the picture at the beginning of this post, I aim to make some shockwaves!

Week 8: The Halfway Mark, and a Goals Assessment

Last week's number: 309.1 pounds
This week's number: 306.1 pounds
Week-to-week loss: 3.0 pounds
Net loss: 43.5 pounds

Not the number I'd hoped for, and I deserve some blame for that.  I haven't been as stringent on this diet as I should have been this past week.  I did have some...excursions from the approved meals.  I did try to mitigate the damage (we've gon out to eat twice; I opted for vegetarian choices both times) but I can't say I was consistent even here.  Oh, well. Fall down seven times, stand up eight...

My exercise routine got thrown off as well.  Last week I set a record distance of 2.6 miles on the treadmill, which promptly reached its Mean Time To Failure with the following workout.  I'm still trying to realign the belt, but I could have put more effort into this job than I have.  However...

...after this week's number came in, I wanted to get back on track.  Since neither my shoes nor the road were offline, I chose to run outside for the first time in over a decade tonight.  It wasn't exactly Rocky Balboa running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art...even on his first attempt when he can barely make it up.  But it was 1.3 miles, farther than I was able to run even back then (I couldn't even finish my run).  I kept a good steady pace for 20 minutes.  And I was able to recover fairly quickly afterward.  Contrast just a year ago when I had to run 100 yards to make a bus that was pulling away from the bus stop and was almost at the point of collapse when I got there!

This was a major milestone for me, as I hadn't planned on running on pavement for at least another two weeks.  It was also farther than I intended.  I hadn't planned on going more than a mile tonight and would have considered myself lucky for that--the treadmilll is quite a bit different from actual road or cross-country running.  Overall, I consider this an incredible success given that I hadn't worked out for a week.

As for the other goals I set for myself three weeks ago: I have gotten the garage squared away.  It's not perfect yet, but it's about 90% of the way there now and it's where I'm writing this post right now.  I did get the household repairs done, and fix all the broken toys (including Alex's bike). I've actually exceeded my goal of being able to run one mile within six months as of tonight.  My workout schedule was 5 days out of 7 until the treadmill broke down and I got lazy this past week.  I have, however, reassembled my weight bench and am in the process of clearing room to use it.

My reading schedule was perhaps a bit ambitious but I have at least kept up with my homework and one novel.  Gravity's Rainbow was not that novel.  It is a very, very complicated book which I now have a copy of on my Nook to keep from renewing the library copy the 50 times I'll need to truly comprehend it.  I'm now considering a different classic for my reading assignment.  I did Pride and Prejudice last year but Jane Austen's writing style is a little too formal for me (but then again, that's the point of this exercise: to get outside my bubble and see the world differently).  Until finals are over, I might try something a little different. I have a collection of poetry by Canadian poet Robert Service (one of my favorites--who says poetry can't be for Real Men? Just read his stuff! You won't regret it!) that I haven't touched in a while.  My journals are stacking up, however.  I need to carve some time out just to read journals.

Yeah, that schedule I was going to draw up...didn't happen either.  Fall down seven times, stand up eight.  I'll get there.

And three pounds lost is three pounds lost.  I now know that veggie burgers aren't that bad (they're pretty good, actually).  And if I ever feel in doubt about my manhood for eating them, I'll read one of Robert Service's poems about gold miners in the Yukon (or a novel about the Royal Manticoran Navy scragging lots of Peeps), jump on my weight bench for a while, and run a mile or two.  Real men can eat whatever they damned well please. :-)

I draw the line at drinking the glassful of eggs, however.  I like Rocky, but not that much!  They're not on the diet anyway.