Pushing The Envelope

Today I challenged myself.  I decided to break out of my shell publicly the way I've been doing here online.

I've been a member of Toastmasters International for about a year now.  Toastmasters is very famous for helping people polish their public speaking skills, but there's also a leadership component involved: members of a given local club rotate through club officer positions and learn how to actually manage the organization.  This actually has been my main focus until recently.

I am a very competitive person but have lacked any productive arena in which I can exercise that drive.  I haven't been nearly fit enough for sports (although that is changing!) and I haven't had the time to put into strategy games that I'd like.  The work environment could be competitive, but the focus for the past several years has been on teamwork (in fact, part of my job is to foster teamwork!)   There is a huge part of me that would like to win all those shiny trophies I never got as a kid.

Hither Toastmasters.  There is a series of local, national, and international speaking competitions that takes place every year.  Having some time free in my schedule, I decided to jump in this year.

I didn't win.  I didn't even place.

Not very long ago that would have been an extremely upsetting situation for me.  It's irrational, but there it is. There is a part of me that wants to be the very best at whatever I do, and that is terrified of the mockery that will ensue should I fall short.  I'm not proud of it.  And I was upset after this loss, to be sure.

For about ten minutes!

There is, in quality assurance, a notion known as the Deming/Shewhart Cycle (it's better known as the Deming Cycle, but Deming himself gave credit to Shewhart so I'll use both names).  It works like this:

First you Plan what you're going to do: what do you hope to accomplish?  How long will it take, and what will it require?

Then you Do what you planned.  This is a very important step many people forget!

After you've done what you've planned, you Study the results.  Did you accomplish everything you set out to do?  What was the outcome? What could have been better?

After you've studied the results, you Act upon what you learned, and apply it to the next Plan.  The cycle is continuous because you should never stop learning!

Before, my assessment of any perceived defeat would have ended with 'D'.  Now, using another Deming concept, the System of Profound Knowledge, I'm able to interrupt the self-pity and apply Profound Knowledge (a combination of knowledge of a system, knowledge of variation, and psychology) to see where I can do better.  Thus, I formulate a better plan for next time.  For people like me prone to a nasty dysthemic cycle, this is a life-saver.

(And if I sound here like I'm shilling for W. Edwards Deming, it's because in a way I am.  He was one of the brighter minds of the 20th century. Deming is, next to Jesus Christ and Socrates, the biggest influence on my personal and professional philosophy. Find videos from his conferences on YouTube, visit the Deming Institute online, or read his books Out Of The Crisis and The New Economics.  You'll be glad you did!)

Okay, enough hero worship.  I'm working on becoming my own hero here!

Every time I feel like I've fallen short since this year began, whether it be on my diet or anything else, I've been running the cycle. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  But it's far better than what I used to do: wallow in self-pity and bemoan my fate while doing absolutely nothing to avert it.


'Pushing the envelope' is a phrase used by test pilots that dates back to the 1940's at least.  It's taking an aircraft or spacecraft and putting it through its paces--literally flying the vehicle until it's at the point of falling apart (and sometimes beyond).  The purpose is to learn exactly what that vehicle's weaknesses are, and what it can handle.  It is the Deming/Shewhart Cycle in action.  The past three months I've been doing that with my entire life, and I don't regret it.

Physically I'm exercising more than I have in the past decade, and I'm enjoying it!  Tonight I did another run around the neighborhood.  I only meant to go a little farther than last night; I'd planned for 1.35 miles.  On the way home I felt good and added a little extra and managed 1.53 miles!  That's half the first Spartan Race (albeit without the mud pit, the fire, etc.) and considerably more than I could have done just a few months ago.  I wasn't winded very much when I was done, either, and I think I actually ran a little faster this time.  Maybe by this time next week I'll be able to run the 2.1 miles I was so proud of walking when I first started this odyssey!

Mentally I've got my graduate coursework.  I'm currently taking two courses: reliability engineering, and project management.  Of the two, the project management course is actually the more difficult which surprised me.  I have my schedule mapped out through mid-2014 when I hope to will have my thesis completed, and I already have a few ideas on that one, too.  I'm wanting to play more strategy games with my spare time (such as it is) and my lifelong interest in chess has reawakened with a vengeance.  That'll be my next entry.

Spiritually I'm more engaged with my church and with personal devotion.  There is a small Bible study at work that meets once a week during lunch; I've known everyone in the group for years but have never developed a deep connection with them until now.  Given the environment we're in (stressful even in the best of times, and with the government sequester affecting operations even more so now) it's desperately needed.

(And before anyone launches a tirade about a religious activity taking place on government property I will note that it is 1) completely voluntary with no proselytizing of any form taking place; 2) on our lunch break, and specifically timed not to go beyond that so we don't use taxpayer time; and 3) not discriminatory in any way.  If my Jewish, Moslem, Hindu, or Buddhist brothers and sisters in service, and I have a few of each at least, wanted to start their own groups not only would I cheer them on I'd have some very strong words for anyone trying to stop them.  Otherwise the flag outside the building has no meaning for the people working on its behalf inside it.)

Emotionally things are tougher.  I try to be the best husband and father I can be but I know there are places I could do better--again the cycle.  I don't have a lot of offline friends and not really that much time to make more.  This is an area I hope to shore up more in my life.  Church, Toastmasters, the RMN, and some old friends I have still in the area all offer promising opportunities. But my family will always come first.  The Toastmasters competition, for example, only happened because Alex didn't have a baseball game today--otherwise I would have held off.  I will be there for my children, no matter the cost, if my decision alone has anything to do with it.

I'm pushing the envelope, my friends, and like that F/A-18 in the picture at the beginning of this post, I aim to make some shockwaves!