Week 4 Results: The Long And Winding Road

Last week's number: 324.6 pounds
This week's number: 321.6 pounds
Week-to-week loss: 3.0 poundsNet loss: 29.0 pounds

I didn't lose as much this week as I did last week, but I've been sick and haven't exercised as much as I should have.  On the other hand, I have powered up the treadmill in the garage, so as of tomorrow night it's on!
Now that I'm actually addressing the issue, I've put some thought into just how and why I got this heavy in the first place.  I do have some underlying medical issues (namely, low thyroid) that have exacerbated the problem, but ultimately it has to do with how I respond to stress.  And there has been plenty of stress in my life the past several years!

Job stress is a major issue for me, and for those of you who think a government job is low-stress, try one sometime!  I won't go into exhaustive detail but I will say that the head games, the pointless office politics, and the tension between the amount of work to do and the amount (or lack) of resources to do it with is at least as intense as any private employer.  So yes, there's plenty of job stress to go around.  I've seen it kill people--literally--and I've seen lots of my coworkers develop some pretty bad problems as a result.

Combine that with taking care of a family, which has its own stresses even on the best of days.  And the financial issues of the past few years, as I mentioned in my last post, have created further stress on us.  For most of the past seven years I've been commuting long-range, which has its own stress compounded by a resultant lack of time to do anything productive to relieve stress.

So what did I do?  I've never smoked or used illegal drugs, and for most of my adult life I didn't drink.  I've had two vices--caffeine and food--and of the two food provides a considerable emotional boost.  No better stress reliever than tearing into a piece of beef jerky, or rending the meat from a chicken bone with my teeth...it releases something primal that can't otherwise be released without committing a major felony.

But this issue didn't start seven years ago, or even ten.  It's been with me a long time.  Being single was a huge stressor for me, particularly when all of my friends partnered up and left me in the cold.  Trying to make ends meet with a job that didn't quite pay all the bills didn't help.  And when you're low on money, you buy the cheap food, which is usually the worst food you can eat.  But that's what I had.

So I ate.  And I ate.  And I ate.  And in the meantime I watched my body deteriorate.

But no more!

One of the big challenges I have with this diet is how I will manage my eating--and my life--afterward.  Now that I have the time and the resources, there is no excuse not to exercise.  This in itself will be a great stress reliever and will help me extend the gains (losses?) I've made.  And I need to change my relationship with food entirely.  It is an addiction just as surely as tobacco or alcohol can be an addiction.  I love food, and taken in moderation that's not a bad thing.  After all, food is necessary for survival!  

The kind of food, and the quantity, I need to reconsider drastically.  I can no longer afford psychologically the all-you-can-eat buffet, or the extra value size anything.  I need to learn how to enjoy smaller portion sizes, and to balance my food intake appropriately.  The classes I go to Tuesday nights will teach me some of this, and intellectually I already knew a lot of it.  The key is to transfer it from head knowledge to working knowledge.  And, as with many things, that is a huge challenge for me.  It will mean transforming my life at a fundamental level and perhaps sacrificing some things I've developed an unhealthy emotional attachment to.

In the end, however, the alternative is a coffin.  And I have too much on my bucket list to wrap this up early!