Week 12: Now The Truth Can Be Told

 

Last weigh-in: 307.6 pounds

This week's number: 303.0 pounds 

Week-to-week loss: 4.6 pounds (over 2 weeks) 

Net loss: 46.8 pounds 

 As I said a couple of posts ago, it's not been an easy two weeks for me with everything that's happened. That doesn't mean I'm stopping! I still want to reach my goals, and I'm intending to stick with a better diet once I start the transition phase as of next week. Even tonight, after I finish this post and get some studying done, I'm going on another run. It's more than getting in shape, or wanting to be as much of an athlete as I can be in my 40's, or looking good in costume (or, for that matter, my old uniforms, or even regular business attire). Much more. 

 I've shared this little revelation with my family, so now I feel comfortable sharing it here. My bloodwork starting out this little odyssey was not good. Not in the least. I was borderline diabetic and, even more ominously, looking at kidney failure probably even before the diabetes kicked in. Drastic action needed to be taken. Forget reaching my dreams--I want to live to see my children grow up! 

Some people have been shocked when I've told them about the particulars of this diet. To be true, 800 calories a day isn't much--it's what most people in North Korea are getting if they're lucky. It's bare subsistence. Some people have called me crazy, or have questioned the wisdom of this approach when something else worked for them just as well. This was needed, and I am doing everything under the supervision of a physician using products specially formulated for such a plan. Do NOT attempt a very low-calorie diet without consulting with your physician, or without appropriate medical monitoring!

For the better part of 20 years I've been carrying far more weight than is healthy for any human being. I tried to shrug it off, thinking that things weren't all that bad because I could still do most of the things that I do on a regular basis. Then I got married. Then I had kids. And suddenly all of the things I did routinely on the job got a lot harder. My back went out more often and took longer to recover. Where I could de-van an entire cargo container almost single-handedly, suddenly even the most routine exams became physically taxing (not that I didn't do my job--I pushed myself, and made myself sick, and lost a lot of productive time at work and at home as a result). I stopped using my telescope because it took too much effort to set up (and it is some effort--the instrument weighs 135 pounds fully assembled and all of those parts need to be carried to where I want to go). Slowly but surely I was losing my way of life, even though I didn't notice it at the time. 

And then the bloodwork came back. I was angry that I let myself fall that far. I was scared for my health and for the future of my family. But more than that, I was pissed off! 

"Be angry, yet do not sin," the Bible says (Ephesians 4:26). I had a lot of trouble with that one. In the past I have let my anger get the better of me and have said and done some unspeakable things as a result. I thought the answer was to suppress my anger, to not let it out at all lest someone get hurt. In the past year the wisdom of that statement finally came clear to me. 

(Yes, maybe I was slow on the uptake here. I've already explained here that common sense for me doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as it may mean for everyone else. God apportions strengths and weaknesses to all human beings in equal proportion--so be it.)

I am to take my anger and turn it toward something productive! If I am angry about my situation, I am to use the energy I would otherwise expend in a futile explosion of emotion and instead turn it toward actually resolving the issue that made me angry to begin with! Angry about finances? Make a plan to get them under control! Angry about not making progress toward your life goals? Make the commitment--and don't question the sacrifice. Angry about your weight? Get with your doctor and make a plan to lose the weight! 

 My anger comes out on the road, with the weights, climbing the stairs. My anger burns--burns away this weight which has been such a tremendous physical and emotional burden to me for so long. I've had people laugh at me as I'm running. No matter; I'm not doing it for their general convenience. I'm reminded of all the people who laughed at me about my weight, and I push forward, determined to push those voices deep into my past where they may be heard but won't have any impact. Some people would sink into despair and give up. I. Will. Not!!! 

I want to be a better man than I've been, in all respects. That's why I'm fighting so hard. The person inside of me, the person I know I can be, wants to come out and introduce himself to the world. And he will, before long. All it takes is a little blood, a little sweat, and a little tears, applied over time. Let's make it happen!